Be the Lady Boss of Your Own Emotions

Taking responsibility for your own emotions is the idea the you and only you are in charge of how you feel.

No one else.

That means no one can make you mad.

No one can annoy you.

No one can hurt your feelings.

Unless you let them.

My kids roll their eyes when I drill this into their brains.

But it's the greatest news.

Know why?

If you are in charge of your emotions, then

you have the power to change how you feel.

You don't have to wait for anyone else to change.

Because chances are, they won't.

Do you know what else it means?

You aren't in charge of how anyone else feels.

They are.

You get to be a courteous, polite, friendly person because it's the right thing to do.

And it's the kind of person you want to be.

Not because you might hurt someone's feelings.

Or because you want to make someone feel a certain way.

You don't have that kind of power.

And no one has that power over you unless you give it to them.

And why would you want to give it to them?

Take your power back, mama!

Channel Your Inner Mcfly And Look To The Future

Most of us draw from our past experiences in order to find evidence that something may or may not work in our future:

"I've never been successful losing weight and keeping it off in the past...I'm just not capable of doing it now..."

"I yell at my kids everyday around dinnertime because there is so much chaos with the cooking and the homework and the non-stop whining..."

Instead of looking to your past, why not look to the future instead?

Imagine the after-school rush and craziness that happens from 3pm-5pm (I refer to them as the witching hours). Assuming there is whining and craziness like there always is, what kind of mom do you want to be?

Picture her.

How does she respond?

What does she say/do?

Here is a way that I've called on my future self recently:

One of my children has a negative response most days when I ask him to do chores. In the past, I have banged my head against the wall trying to change his behavior. "Why can't you just do your work happily?" or "Stop complaining so much and just do your work, already!"

But I decided that I didn't like the way I was showing up around him. So I asked myself, 'Assuming he is negative tomorrow when I ask him to do his chores, what kind of mom do I want to be? How do I want to show up? How will future Sara handle this situation?'

I decided that I didn't want his negativity to affect my mood.

'I can be happy even if he isn't.' is the thought I redirect to. Or, 'maybe he just needs to be negative right now. But I don't'.

You know what?

It worked.

Every time I take a moment to call on my future self for support, I show up better in my life.

Try it. It just might work for you, too.

Love Is All You Need

Of all the emotions we get to feel as humans, love is my favorite.

Love for others. 

Love for myself. 

Did you know that love is always an option? 

It's the very best option. 

Is there someone in your life who is hard to love? 

Ask yourself the following questions:

How do I want to feel about them?

What kind of wife/mother/friend/daughter do I want to be? 

Angry?

Bitter?

Resentful?

Apathetic?

Entitled?

Or loving?

You get to choose.

If you want to start feeling more love for that difficult person in your life, start thinking more loving thoughts ABOUT them. 

Your thoughts create your feelings, so the moment you start thinking more loving thoughts, you will start to feel more love for them. 

And Love is such an empowering emotion. 

Happy Valentine's Day. 

You Go First

I used to worry what other people might think of me.

A lot. 

Sometimes I still do. 

When I'm in a new or unfamiliar situation and I catch myself thinking,

'I hope they like me.'

I remind myself:

'You go first.'

Jody Moore taught me that.

When we genuinely like ourselves, it frees up all this space in our brains to stop worrying so much about whether or not other people like us.

Because when we like ourselves we don't need other people to like us and validate us so much.
This allows us instead to focus on what we like about others.

And that is so much more fun.

How To Be Someone You Can Count On

The other day I wrote about how to be your own best friend.

One of the ways you can do this is by keeping commitments to yourself.

But how exactly is that done?

1. Choose a compelling reason.

2. start small.

3. Anticipate road blocks ahead of time. Write them out on paper if necessary and come up with solutions before they present themselves.

4. Take time to acknowledge your accomplishment when you follow though. Get curious instead of beating yourself up about it when you don't.


Let's say, for example, that you have committed to exercising 3 times a week.

What is your compelling reason for doing so? Better health? Weight loss? Is it because you are a calmer mother when you take care of your own physical health? The reason only has to be compelling to you.

Start small. Is 3 times a week realistic? Manageable? If not, shoot for 2 times a week. If you exercise more than that, sweet! As you learn that you can count on yourself, you can start setting loftier goals.

Now think of all the obstacles that might prevent you from exercising: No child care?--Find a babysitter or do it at home while the kids sleep. You don't feel like it in the moment?--Remember your compelling reason and do it anyway.

When you do follow through, give yourself a pat on the back--you did what you said you would do {fist bump}. If you failed to follow through, why not? Be curious about it and use that info to help you follow through the next time.

Before you know it you'll realize that you can rely on you.

And that's a great feeling.